Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
