you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
