In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
