I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i dont even know how to be here
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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