thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
