I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
