You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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