I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
