Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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