maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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