So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
