Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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