Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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