as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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