Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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(850): View more from Florida

He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

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(661): View more from California

I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"

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(210): View more from Texas

I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

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(516): View more from New York

Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.

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(310): View more from California

You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

I spilled wine on it.

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(510): View more from California

Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.

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