I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize