White coat. Heels.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
