drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
