after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
