i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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