when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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