all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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