i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
