I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My bed smells like the plague
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