I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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