Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
