We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
