What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
