At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
