my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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