The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize