im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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