I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
