your room smells of hookers.
And success
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
