oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
