in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
