I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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