your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
