She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
