just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
