My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
