Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
