i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
