the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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