i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
