so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
