honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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