There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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