I need help removing her.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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