No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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