what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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