everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
