I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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