Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
