She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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