He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
