he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize