What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
