If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
