there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
