One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize