Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
