I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
