If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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